Reflections on falling in love again: first love, nearing 60

Years ago Charlene navigated an important “upgrade” in her relationship with Jesus. She had been wrestling with what it might mean, for *her*, to regain her “first love” - and experiencing a visceral reaction to some popular takes on how one goes about solving the Ephesian church dilemma described in Rev 2. True to her fiercely honest self, she simply wasn’t going to fake it, or follow some easy-peasy formula. But something needed to give.

Somewhere along the way she sensed Jesus’ invitation to fall in love, again … but as a 40-something. Not to circle back and attempt to rekindle the passion of her twenties, to somehow get “back there” - but to discover Him anew, now twice her former age, embracing all she had become and been through along the way. To fall in love with Him all over again, discovering afresh who He was to her, then.

That simple insight proved revolutionary, both for her and for many she has shared with from that place in her journey. Including her husband. 

Now, again, over a decade down the pike, I’m experiencing this truth - but this time in my relationship with the woman I first fell in love with almost four decades ago. Only in my case I wasn’t really tracking my need, but the fact is that I was overdue for some heart-level work and a “first love” upgrade in my own marriage. 

I’m nothing if not committed. Sure, it’s been a long journey, with its share of pain and fire as well as romance, adventure, and joy. Not to mention the reality of long stretches of life in the trenches, seasons of bewilderment, times when you just put one foot in front of the other and keep on trudging … all of which does indeed have a way of taking its toll on marital blissedness. 

But in some respects all that came as no surprise. I’m OK with it. I meant every word of our carefully-scripted marriage vows, including the “for better or for worse” variants. I’m in this for the duration! I love this woman, and I knew going in that love is not about feelings, stardust, and music playing - even to an unabashed ENFP! Additionally - and thankfully - I’ve been preemptively aware of the anti-marriage spirit of the age, which has helped expose any number of attacks and pitfalls at various junctures.

We’ve worked hard at this thing called marriage, invested a lot of energy, prayer, relational capital. We’ve often cried out for help to the One able to save us from ourselves, and freshly surrendered as He has brought conviction and fresh light. We’ve read books and cultivated marriage mentors and other forms of outside perspective … and even developed the habit of accessing them. Regularly.

Good thing! We needed all this and an outpouring of the sheer, just-in-time grace of God to weather a couple of very close calls in the past couple of decades. 

But … we made it through. We LOVE each other! You know - the time-tested, tried-by-fire kind of love ….

Mmmm. Sounds a lot like those Rev 2 Ephesians, doesn’t it? Some noteworthy deeds, workin’ hard at it, laboring away, not growing weary … at least weary enough to quit. Known for their perseverance, and their discernment - recognizing and not being taken in by those and that which is false. They had endured a lot, for His sake.

Shouldn’t all that be enough?!

Evidently not. And - blessedly! - this is not so because somehow His list is always, just … longer than ours. It is so because He always, persistently, repeatedly, eternally invites us to More. To Fulness of Life, not just to Good Enough. And in marriage, as in our relationship with Him, that precipitates an invitation to trade in the workmanlike perseverance of the Ephesians for a fresh, timely love.

Like what we had before, but suited to who we are today. An invitation to fall in love again, nearing 60.